lonely solace

i really do fucking miss you.
i really do. i feel it everywhere, it aches the most in my heart.
it's cliche, it's been said before.
i know that we have been together for so long, but it was drowning.
we were just stuck in a comfortable nowhere.
i know i've been selfish and this has been the most selfish thing i have done.
i'm so sorry.
it's been around a month since i heard your voice last.
i hope you're doing ok.
a day doesn't go by where i don't think about that.
i'm sorry it was so abrupt, but this whole back and forth relationship was never going to push forward.
i am growing and i guess you are too, but i couldn't wait any longer.
i never got to see the passion in your eyes, a goal, even a hobby.
i was waiting around hoping that i could help you.
it was such a slow progression and i grew impatient.
i'm so sorry.
i miss you. there's not doubt in that, but i needed to move on.
there's a huge hole; in my stomach, in my heart, in my fucking brain.
i felt you everywhere, you were as much a part of me as i was a part of myself.
i know you never believed in fate, but i always have.
there was a point in time where i knew this was never meant to be.
it hurts because we lost so much of ourselves in each other.
i'm so sorry.
this was the wake up call for you and i to realize that we need to push on with our lives.
we were getting too comfortable.
i'm so sorry.
i loved you. i loved us, but this ending was necessary.
i hope you can realize that sometime soon, but i know you still hate me now.
you were a god-send, but we were going absolutely nowhere.
we enabled the good and the bad in each other.
i feel that i am a healthier, better person now.
i hope you can find that in yourself to realize it too.
i wish i could say this to you, but it would make me fall back into wanting to be with you.
i hope this experience made you a stronger, wiser person.
i fucking miss you and i'm so fucking sorry, but this was just something that needed to end.
this hole that i feel in myself must mend itself, for myself, by myself.
i feel the the solace in being alone.