Christmas, Christmas, Christmas

Here we go again. Christmas time is here again.
I've never been a huge holiday person. I always can't wait till it's over, honestly. My friends are always with their families so I can't hang out with them.
I guess I should explain why I don't like Christmas.
My family is not traditional in the slightest bit. All I grew up knowing was that its supposedly Jesus' birthday. Which is true, but not on this exact day. I have never gotten presents underneath a Christmas tree, I have never had a family gathering of extended relatives. It has always been, "Here's some money, do what you want with it." Which in my case is kind of cool, but not thoughtful. If I could have a clear communication with the parentals, possibly a gift would be purchased. I have never received a wrapped gift from my parents. Actually, I lied. One Christmas when I was about six years old my parents surprised my sister and I with a gift. My sister received an easel and I received a nylon stringed guitar. Pretty sweet, I know. That was that. My first and last Christmas with a gift. Christmas of 2008, was a fiasco. It consisted of my dad getting wasted and crying and my mom pouring his booze down the sink and then proceeding to pray next to him AND then started speaking in tongue. What dysfunction.. I look back on it now and I laugh. It totally is a Yoo kind of Christmas.
Christmas is awesome for the rest of us, but to me Christmas is just another day that I have to wait to hang out with my friends. So I'll wait. This year though I am way more appreciative of my family. Plus I think all those years of not really receiving a gift has prepared me for the time of recession. We can't afford gifts, so really it's not a big deal at all. I appreciate this time with my family and to me that's all that really matters. No gifts makes me love them even more. I appreciate them just as much and I'll love them just as much. With or without material goods.
Now, let's hike!

I'll be fine

I feel that I'm always going to be running away. I'm a flake, I know.
I don't know where I'll be. With who, where?
I don't know, but i find peace in that.
If I can find someone to run away with me I'll be content.
I am in the pursuit of happiness.


"She doesn’t have to be your entire world. Just a tiny village. Somewhere. Anywhere. On your map."

Essence

This is from a website that I thoroughly enjoy wasting my time on. It's called, "WHAT HAS PLAYING IT COOL EVER GOTTEN ME?" It's pretty dope. I found this little letter on it.


A good woman will not want. Or will phone calls. This phone is ringing silent—the opposite of sound waves. A good woman will not wait up. A good woman will call after three days, if at all. A good woman forgets to wear panties. A good woman will make you come. Will play games fearlessly. Will not overstay her welcome.

Good Fortune

It's a little reminder everyday of how I can expand on being a better person. Such little things, help make a huge difference.


Instant Karma says: Whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly.

Passerby

It happened again. Skating down Chorro on an early mission of some kind. I drove right by you and I couldn't help but throw my hands in the air and scream. The same reaction that I always have whenever I see you. I don't know you, but I want to meet you. This has never happened before. Not being able to meet someone but being so close times before. What is your name? This puts a big question mark on my day. How is it that meeting someone has become such a big deal? Beanie boy with the Iron Maiden shirt. I hope that's not what you remain as. I need to put a name to that identity. This sounds absolutely ridiculous, but when it's numerous times where you try to meet someone that stands out, it kind of drives people crazy.
Maybe, it's more exciting this way?
You're a myth. You're the unknown.

I want to discover and reveal.
Let's meet soon.

Shakin'

"Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above."



I saw you again last night,
but was trapped in a car and nowhere to stop.
Who are you?
I want to know you.

Heart of Glass

Left with just a cigarette and a forgotten name.. I turn my back and you were gone. I knew your destination, but in some twist of fate I couldn't make it to where you were. I've seen you before and you have always been that guy with the beanie and the beautiful blue eyes. The Iron Maiden tee shirt and your style added more. It's kind of exciting sort of like a teaser. I hope one day in another twist of fate, I get to know you. Thank you for the cigarette.


I don't do well with anonymous.

MY LIFE IS FUCKING AWESOME!


Sometimes I just love screaming that out in public.

Active

I am grateful. I am lucky.

Someday, sometime soon I need to go out into the world and take action. I would like to go to a country where I can show my gratitude by helping someone out. I need to stop sitting here and actually do something about it. It's insane how grateful people are when it comes to little things. I am lucky. I am grateful. I am so thankful that I am blessed with this life. Someday, sometime soon I will be able to go out somewhere foreign and be selfless and live my life helping others. I am so touched by how simple life can be. I need to show it. I sit here with a heavy heart thinking that I live in such a bubble. There are people out there that do not ask for much and only need so little to survive. Here I sit with luxuries that I take for granted everyday. I thank God. I thank my family. I am so grateful. I have gratitude towards life itself. It is overwhelming.

Take action.

You take me the way I am

This whole vegan thing is not that bad at all.
I feel bad claiming a lifestyle like this if my shoes are still leather...
That will be my one last step.
Animals and shoes are a big love of mine and they are colliding.
I really cannot wait thought to truly call myself a vegan
when all my animal made shoes exit my closet.
I'm working up to it, give me a break!



How "fresh" can dead be?
Go Vegan.

Sir Ken Robinson

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Makes me feel a lot better about myself when it comes to education.

I Met the Walrus

Wise.

Teenage angst

Looking back on my old posts from an old blog I can see how much has changed. I was anxious, bitter, confused and very sensitive. Moving away, meeting new people and finding out more about myself has helped me create a more suitable lifestyle. I know I haven't figured myself fully, but for now it's working. More so than 2 years ago. One thing that I can still keep with me is this, dated March 7, 2007 it says, "all this will only make sense to me. all that i say will only make sense to me. all that i think is an interpretation of how i think things are." I was so hurt back then, trying to create a stable relationship with my parents and friends and boyfriends at the time.

I am so refreshed. A new state of mind is approaching, and I am ready.

I am grateful.


Also, this was stumbled across.
I hope you know this will create a lasting impact.

him (11:42:52 PM): hahah
him (11:42:54 PM): oh yes
him (11:42:58 PM): seriously sometimes
him (11:42:59 PM): out of nowhere
him (11:43:03 PM): just haning out with you
him (11:43:07 PM): i'll get really nervous
him (11:43:12 PM): when i realize how not ugly you are
him (11:43:15 PM): and that you're talking to me
him (11:43:19 PM): and i'll just be sitting there
him (11:43:23 PM): in the middle of our conversation
him (11:43:27 PM): thinking to myself
him (11:43:28 PM): wow
him (11:43:31 PM): she's really talking to me
him (11:43:33 PM): this is weird
him (11:43:36 PM): and all that will come out
him (11:43:36 PM): is
him (11:43:37 PM): um
him (11:43:38 PM): yeah
him (11:43:38 PM): um
him (11:43:39 PM): yeah
him (11:43:40 PM): um
him (11:43:40 PM): yeah
him (11:43:41 PM): um
him (11:43:41 PM): yeah
him (11:43:43 PM): and i'm like
him (11:43:44 PM): fuck
him (11:43:48 PM): i'm such an idiot
him (11:43:52 PM): but she's so badass
him (11:43:56 PM): like you're not even real
him (11:45:51 PM): yeah
him (11:45:53 PM): i'm lame
him (11:45:55 PM): but yeha
him (11:45:56 PM): seriously
him (11:45:59 PM): like sometimes i feel like
him (11:46:07 PM): i'm not really looking at you or something
him (11:46:10 PM): liek we're just there
him (11:46:12 PM): existing or something
him (11:46:15 PM): and then i'm like
him (11:46:16 PM): she's a girl
him (11:46:17 PM): like
him (11:46:29 PM): and i'm not annoyed
him (11:46:31 PM): at all
him (11:46:35 PM): and she's interesting
hanuhh (11:47:04 PM): i like that you're interesting too
hanuhh (11:47:14 PM): and sometimes i say stupid things but you don't mind and just laugh at it
him (11:47:16 PM): that's like
him (11:47:18 PM): the best part
him (11:47:34 PM): if you ever feel like you have to impress me
him (11:47:37 PM): throw that feeling out
him (11:47:41 PM): cause you just being you
him (11:47:43 PM): is way legit

Thank you, Him.

Positive Intentions

Today has been a long day so far, despite the time being only 2:30. I am trying to have nothing but a positive outlook. I returned something that was not mine, ran for 30 minutes and did a good chunk of my homework and stayed for all my classes. Oh, and my car got side swiped for the second time in a month. I hope this is the last of the negative karma. Hoping for the good to come around. I am a very passive person and I like it this way. I wish the world could be this way, but for now it's only hopeful wishing. This mellow mood feels like a high. Maybe it was the run this morning. I got to run next to a farm and along Highway 1 and a pond, next to beautiful mountains. Pretty surreal for me. I want the positive energy to keep on flowing for me and I hope it affects people in a good way that I come across.


"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." -Abraham Lincoln


Reason to believe.

Bare

I want to live my life as if there were no limits. No boundaries to tell me what I am capable of doing. I want to live my life as if I were full of all resources that are supposedly needed. I wish I had the guts to just go into the wild.


"All good things are wild and free."
- Thoreau


Find me passion.

In this world of calamity..

I feel that America is excessive. From cars to towels to even paper towels. Everything is huge but I would much rather prefer the American lifestyle. We work hard, we play hard and it works out. A man asked my mom if her life is successful in America. She replied with, "You're always working hard." It makes sense. The American dream is something that everyone is curious about if they are not part of it. It isn't all the glitz and glamor that is portrayed but if you work hard you can afford to do what you like. Seeing my mom in her home country I would guess that she misses it, but she much rather prefers the American lifestyle despite all the stress and pain. I believe she is the hardest working woman and the most strong willed. Back in the day she always said we were going to go back to Korea. Thank goodness we didn't. I love America and almost everything about it but I am glad that I have a culture and something more to grow from. There are two sides to every story and that is my life exactly. I have two cultures that I can grow from and I find that amazing. It makes my mind bigger and I am more open of a person. I used to always hate being different but I now see it as a gift rather than a curse. I thank my mom for being the woman that she is and introducing me to a world that can help make me who I am. My parents are incredible people. They learned to grow and adapt in a new world. You can be successful but it comes with hard work.

All I could think of...

As I was stepping into the line to get into the terminal all I could think of was, "What the fuck am I getting myself into?" It was such a slurry of mixed emotions. The 13 hour plane ride was enough to think of many scenarios.
After a long exhausting plane ride, I was so excited to set foot on land. It was a little strange getting my temperature checked because of the potential dangers of swine flu. I have never been told to wash my hands so many times. These people are taking it way too seriously.
Stepping in line to finally get into the country, I was labeled a foreigner to get my papers checked. What a strange thought, I was no longer in the safety of my bubble of the familiar.
Yesterday was my first day out in Seoul. I don't think I could haven been stared at more. Being in America, diversity is the norm. I thought I would not stand out in a country fully dominated by one race. I was wrong. My shoes, my clothes, my language threw a red flag in the air signaling I was not one of their kind.
What a strange world I stepped into. I am learning so much already and I already feel closer to my mom. It makes me genuinely happy. I'm in this new place that is so much a part of me that I have no idea about. There are more places to see. Much more to discover. I'm excited.

On the Road Again

The school year has finally ended. With that, comes the packing and then the unpacking. This time after the unpacking, I am packing again to go somewhere completely different for me. Being a 20 year old first generation South Korean, I am finally visiting my roots. I have visited the country before, but it was when I was four so there is not much recollection from that.
These past few months the only thoughts that have come to my head have been thoughts of just how weird this is going to be and not standing out because of my race. For the first time I will be surrounded by people of my kind for the next two weeks. It seems absolutely crazy. Living in a city full of diversity I never look twice at all the different races around me. Being in a country completely dominated by one race is absolutely bizarre. That will be the biggest change. I have not seen my mother's side of the family for about sixteen years so I am hoping for the best.
I am so unprepared I feel for this trip, but I am aware it will be full of culture shock and more understanding of myself. I am excited and curious.
We will see how this goes. I am highly anxious, but also a little nervous.